What's happening?

What is wrong with me? I'm feel horrible! I can't eat sleep or talk! I just keep thinking about that moment were I hit my sister.......when she scremed. I saw that sence before......when my dad hit Brooke. Why did I do that? All I know is that I'm a horrible person....... I watched Brooke sleep the night before, making sure she was still brething, just cause I don't know what I would do without her. I've been doing that since she was little. The other day pony came over high on who knows what drug, and started saying stupid stuff like " I'm gonna hurt your sister if you don't be my best friend again" and for some reason he thought he was missing a thumb. I wouldn't let him hurt her, not in a million years, so I thought if Brooke never sees pony he can never hurt her. Pony scares me sometimes. I'm really sorry Brooke and i swear I will never do that again.......... If it makes it up to you, I could buy you a car. Not a new one but I could work on it..... Anyways I'm gonna maybe go somewhere where I can cool off....